Brain Dump

Just got out of Eikon (Wednesday night college group at Calvary Chapel).  This service was designed just for me.  From the music to the message to the closing remarks, God had me there for a very specific purpose.  He reminded me that His love never fails.  He reminded me that His plans are the best plans, and that He "works all things together for the good of those who love Him."

Right now, I'm struggling with a tough decision (well I'm done struggling, I've already made the choice).  I know Christ led me to do the right thing, but dealing with the repercussions of my decision might entail lonely and painful nights.

That's because I put a relationship in place of where only Christ is supposed to reside.  My security and trust was resting in someone else who made me happy and gave me company.  It was a sin that I was blind to until it was brought to my attention by my parents. 

I'm not sure how it will all work out, and I know there will be more tears shed.  I shouldn't do what God calls me to do because of legality's sake.  I should do it out of a humble heart of surrender, knowing that He wants even more for me than I want for myself.

I tend to forget that.  It's not about the act of "doing," but my  heart's condition while doing what I am called to do.  Grudgingly giving up things or relationships or anything else to God doesn't really make a difference.  In fact, He would rather not have it at all.

Here's a good example.  You know when you ask someone if they want to go see a certain movie, but they really don't want to see it (and they hint at the fact that they don't).  But you really want to see this movie- I mean, this is the best movie out there right now.  After a long struggle, they say, "Ugh.  I guess I'll go see it.  I mean, if it's really what you want.  If you really want me to be temporarily bored and minutely upset with you, then fine.  Let's go see it."  Hmmmm....do you still want to go see the movie?  Probably not, because you know their heart, and it's not going to give you any joy to force them to join in with you.  It won't benefit them at all if they go in with that kind of attitude.

It's the same with our life.  Christ calls us to surrender EVERYTHING, but we shouldn't do it out of the feeling that we have to, but rather that we want to.  We want to please Him.  If it makes Him happy, we know we will be on a better track. 

There's a lot of other things that have been racing through this brain of mine lately, and should I find the time to remember them all, I'll be sure to share with you.  This journey is a whole lot better if we do it together.