When I read in the Bible how God ordains all of our days and has them all numbered, it is fascinating. Yet, when I try to discover what I will do next year, after I graduate- even, this summer...my mind just goes a million different directions and nowhere all at once (hence the confusion part). Is this making any sense? Probably not.
I have all these ideas about what God might be calling me to do in my life, but then I get overwhelmed at the thought of making sure that each step I take is in His will. I hear messages about the will of God, read books about the will of God, and try to learn from the Bible. And I just keep coming up short. There are very few times in my life that I can distinctly remember hearing God direct me exactly where to go, and me following in suit.
For the most part, I feel like it's me saying, "Well, this is something that will glorify God, and it looks like that's what I'm supposed to do, so I'll just go with that."
My problem stems from a lack in listening. Seems like whenever I question purpose in life lately, this verse pops into my mind:
"You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life. But the Scriptures point to me! Yet you refuse to come to me to receive this life." -John 5:39
It's like I keep trying to find that "perfect Bible verse" that gives me an AHA moment, where I instantly know what Christ is calling me to do. But, I don't think there is one. Please, correct me if I'm wrong- I'm trying to figure this all out. But, I feel like instead of searching the Scriptures and asking person after person, I should just go to Jesus. If I am filled up with His Spirit, then His will eventually becomes my will....right?
It sounds so much easier in writing. When people say, "What are you going to do after college?" or "How did you decide where to go to college?," I explain and immediately realize that I never asked Christ about any of it. What a dangerous position.
Then (oh my- this post just keeps going on and on- feel free to check out if you get bored of this rambling!), I was talking to someone the other day who said, "Either God has you at Nova for a very specific purpose, or you're just there." Hmmm...of course that got me thinking- why am I here? What am I doing? How is Christ using me? Am I still supposed to be here? Am I supposed to be here next year?
And the cycle continues. A cycle of question and worry and doubt and confusion. I know the Bible says, "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything." It's just so stinkin' hard sometimes!
Additionally, Jesus reminds us, "Don't worry about tomorrow." I don't even know if I'll be here tomorrow. But there has to be balance. I have to have some idea about what the future holds and be content with my present.
Balance is one of those words that I struggle with in a major way. Life gets off kilter so easily, yet balance is what we all seek and what Christ desires in our lives. Anyone have any suggestions? : )
One more thought, and then I'll leave you alone- haha. Our "calling" in life is based on our unique gifts and talents. Christ also wants us to enjoy our job and use it to glorify Him. So if we find our gifts and talents, then pursue a career that is headed in that direction, are we in God's will?
