Swept Away

In the midst of this messy dorm room, surrounded by dishes and leftover cake crumbs and scattered coffee mugs, in the midst of a to-do list that never got accomplished, have I ever felt more satisfied. The Lord is here. The presence of the Holy Spirit is in this place, and it is evident in the laughter that bounces off the walls and the sobs of brokenness that cry out for help. It is seen in the transformation of people’s lives and the renewal of weary spirits. It is the special mark of true fellowship, a band of sisters sharing life and learning and hoping and trusting the Lord and each other. It is the joy of my heart to look across the couch and see two of my sisters spurring each other on in love and encouragement. It’s tastier than the best meal. It’s more desirable than the most precious of possessions. It’s more relaxing than a good vacation or afternoon nap. It’s more serene than a peaceful pond on a foggy Sunday morning. It is Christ.


“And Jesus answered, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.’” (Luke 10:41-42).

One thing. That’s all it is. Plop me in the desert. Ship me to Japan. Fly me to Broadway. All I need is the one thing. All I need is Jesus.

To sit at his feet captivated by the very words He speaks. To discover the inflections of His voice and the lessons from His life. To question and ponder and grow. To be broken and to be restored to wholeness again. To be dead and revived to life. To worship with a humble heart and a reverent posture. To hear, really hear the Lord.

“One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord,
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.” (Psalm 27:4)

A Quick Wander in the Wilderness

So, I'm a little behind on my blogging.  Ever since I moved out of the dorms last Thursday, I've just been going, going, going (in a good way).  I never knew a girl could have so many appointments in one week...I'm trying to squeeze everything in before I leave.  So far, it's working : )

You are probably not going to believe this when I tell you, but God has raised $3,850 already!  To think that all the details of my trip are coming together in less than 27 days still blows me away.  It's funny when I reflect on the day I got my acceptance letter.  They emphasized in the letter to make quick preparations, because the trip begins in 27 days.  For the next few days, that's all I focused on- 27 days, 27 days, 27 days!  I got so stinkin' stressed out and anxious that I was a nervous wreck.  Then I started focusing on God.  That's when everything began to fall together.  Have you ever heard that quote "Don't focus on the size of your waves, focus on the size of your God."? I love that!  It's so true.  When you realize just how big and awesome and powerful God is, the circumstances in your life certainly start to shrink in both size and intensity.  Soon, those stressful situations get turned into adventures where you get to see God move in ways you could have never imagined.  That's what's been happening to me.  Now, I think it's kind of fun when something seems impossible to do.  Then, I wait in anticipation and say, "Okay, God, I can't wait to see how you're gonna pull this one off!" He sure is a lot more creative than I : ) This isn't to say I don't still have my moments of doubt- that strikes us all- I just think God has taught me a lot over these past few weeks about resting in His perfect provision and timing.

We studied Deuteronomy 8 at Eikon last week...not my typical book of study, but it was perfect for what I was going through!  I felt like I had taken this big step to go to Patmos (and like I mentioned earlier) started freaking out.  I was confused and didn't know if I had made the right decision- I was reluctant to tell some people because it felt like it wasn't really going to happen.  Looking back, it was a whole bunch of the Devil clouding up my vision and causing me to doubt God's ability.  So, basically, I felt like I was just wandering around, in what I like to call "the funk."  You know those times when God seems so far away, but you know for a fact that He's right there?  You know those times when you try your very hardest to pray and study the Bible, but it's just not "happening"? That's where I was.  I was doing everything I thought was right, but something was missing.  Sounds a lot like the Israelites, now doesn't it?

Deuteronomy 8:2-5
2 Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.

As soon as the pastor read this, I went "That's why!" That's why I'm feeling this way.  God hasn't abandoned me- He's LED ME IN THE DESERT.  HE LED ME THERE!  God wanted to see how I would survive on the bare minimum- no warm, fuzzy feelings during worship time- no scenes with His overwhelming presence.  How will she react when it seems like everything she "needs" is gone...except for Me?  I think a lot of times we get so fixated on the "perfect worship set" or the lighting effects or the pastor who uses crazy illustrations or the people who go to church with us.  We forget that it has nothing to do with us or the people around us.  Forget all that junk- I just want Jesus!  I realized that no matter how put together everything is around me, it all felt like chaos without my eyes fixed in the right place.  I remember saying, "God, you feel so far away!" And, then I thought- my relationship with Christ shouldn't be based on feelings, but on truth.  Feelings come and go- blaze and wane- but, truth...that's here to stay!  Clinging to the truth of God's promises and holding fast to His Word is what gets us though the desert. 

3 He humbled you...

He also humbled me.  That's for sure.  You know those times when you think, "Finally! I'm doing something right- yes!" Well, God likes to remind us real quick that it's not us doing the good, but Him.  As soon as I tried with my strength, I once again realized that I was incapable.  I bet God's up there going, "I wonder just how many times we'll have to go over this with her." Praise the Lord for His loving patience with this kid : )

...causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years.



To say that He caused me to hunger might be an understatement! I had been on this spiritual high for a few weeks and was so used to everything going my way.  I bet most of you know this- it's no secret: it's so much easier to praise God when everything is good and dandy than when the going gets tough.  Isn't it?  So, God did prepare me for the wilderness.  He showed me time and time again answered prayers, open doors for opportunities, and friendships that propelled me further into His arms.  But when all the cushion around your relationship with Christ is no longer there, how do you react?  For me, it was a whole lotta drama queen and not a lot of clinging to the Word.  But, that's what the wilderness is for.  To teach us, to humble us, to remind us that He is all we need. 

And, I don't know if you caught verse 4, but the Israelites wandered for FORTY YEARS with clothes that didn't wear out, with feet that didn't swell.  In the desert.  That's just amazing.  So God.  He tests us, but He doesn't stop caring for us.  He supernaturally provides for our wilderness experiences, no matter how long they might drag on. 

So, a spiritual battle was alive in my heart, and I remember saying on Wednesday afternoon (before Eikon), "Okay, I give up.  I'm defeated.  I'm sick and tired of trying."  Christian- don't ever say that!  I might as well have said, "Devil, you win. You are victorious over Christ."  Ouch- how that must have broken my Savior' heart!  Jesus died so that I wouldn't be defeated, yet there I was declaring my defeat.  The same lips that sing "Your Grace is Enough" and "Mighty to Save" were saying, "God, you can't do it."  It's seriously like an arrow to the heart when I remember my attitude then, but praise God for new mercies and faithfulness each morning!

5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you.

After hearing this message on Wednesday, I was reminded of purpose in the wild.  God didn't lead me there to punish or to torture me, but to refine me and develop my character.  He's a God of love, a God whose discipline we should enjoy because it ultimately makes us more like Him.  Too bad I was busy throwing a temper tantrum (boy, do I have a lot of growing up to do!).

But, all in all, lesson learned.  Thank You, Dad, for seeing the big picture, even if I seem miserable and disappointed in the process!  His wisdom never ceases to amaze me, especially when I look back and see His hand guiding me.

So, one last little tid bit...you should read the next part in Deuteronomy 8, especially if you're "in the wild" right now.

6 Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in his ways and revering him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with streams and pools of water, with springs flowing in the valleys and hills; 8 a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; 9 a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills. 10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you.

With great obedience comes great reward.  God doesn't ignore your hard work.  When I read this passage, the word that keeps coming to mind is "lush." God is doing all this to bring us to a lush land, to a promised place where our needs are met and our expectations are widly exceeded!

My wilderness period didn't last for forty years, because God knew I wouldn't survive.  Each and every day, He's using life's situations and trials to develop my character and reveal His character to me.  There's no doubt, I'll have more wilderness experiences to come, but I should be better prepared.  For now, I've arrived at the last verse.  Praising the Lord for the good He has given me.  May I never forget it. Ever.

Intercessor

You have to see this.

All That I Am

I read Psalm 103 this year on Good Friday, and it has become one of my absolute favorites! Lately, I've been reading Bible verses out loud instead of to myself, and you would not believe the difference it has made.  It's almost like I'm proclaiming it to myself- as if hearing it actually spoken makes it more real than simply reading it.  At first, I felt a little awkward.  With this Psalm, I just kept reading it over and over though.  It captures a heart that is full of gratefulness for what God has done.  It reminds me of forgiveness and love and patience and compassion- and weakness.  Yes, the last one is not a typo.

The more and more I get into God's Word, the more I realize just how weak I am and how much I need Him.  It seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life.  I talked about this in one of my posts a few weeks ago.  I had been striving to meet the "standards," to be "good enough" for God.  What a relief it has been to embrace His unconditional love once again!  It is so refreshing and rejuvinating once you realize that God doesn't love you any more or any less if you spend ten minutes in prayer or thirty.  That's why I love Psalm 103.  Praise, praise, praise.  Who else can love like He loves?

Verse 14 has been on my mind since Good Friday, and it has dramatically changed my thinking.  "For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust."  After reading that Psalm, you're probably thinking....okay, that wouldn't have been my pick, but let me explain.

I'M DUST!  I'm a big lump of dust!  God knows that.  Sometimes I try to puff myself up and act like I'm more than that.  I'M DUST!  I'm weak, and on my own, absolutely worthless.  I'm just a shell here on earth.  But, but....when Christ lives in me.  Wow.  Now that is something worth looking at.  When Christ lives in me and in You, people notice.  He disciplines me and corrects me and changes me, but "he remembers we are only dust."  When I fall short of God's glory, He isn't suprised.  He knows that I will.  What matters is the motivation of my heart.  Is my whole heart seeking after God?

I used to think that in order to seek fully after God, you had to be a devoted Christian who studied the Bible six hours a day and evangelized at least two (okay, maybe these numbers weren't always the same, but you get the idea).  The amazing thing about Christ is that He is everywhere- in the car, in my class, at the office.  God doesn't speak to me just from the Bible, and He doesn't use me to speak to others only when I set aside two hours.  Day in and day out, He purposes each and every move. 

Have you ever stopped to think about that?  I was walking home from the gym tonight, and I thought to myself....God knew exactly what time I would go to the gym tonight.  He knew how long I would run, when I would get tired, and when I would begin gasping for air (haha- just kidding). The crazy thing is He actually knew that not only for me, but for each and every person around me.  And He knew that I would be sitting here, on April 16, writing about Him.  And He knew that you would be reading this right now.  Crazy, isn't it?

Okay- back to the seeking fully after God idea (sorry for my tinge of ADD kicking in ; ).  I used to think in order to seek fully after God, you had to be chained to a desk praying and reading the Bible.  After your hours of study and prayer, you could then go boldly proclaim to others the Good News.  Only people in full time ministry can really serve God, or that's what I thought.  Well, God's been using me in ways I never thought possible.  Whether it's conversations at work, or with people in line at Chick N' Grill.  Every movement He purposes for a reason.  And the great thing about it all is that when your heart and mind are fully focused on Christ, you can be doing whatever it is you need to be doing and still glorify Him.  There's always what Tozer calls that "secret communion," that goes on between you and God.  If you love someone, they're always on your mind.  You can't wait to spend time with them and share with them what's been going on in your life, and you look forward to hearing about their life.

I now approach prayer not as a burden, but as a delight.  When I miss my morning time alone with God, I normally say, "Man, God, I missed you this morning.  Sorry about that."  I look forward to telling Him my deepest longings, my heart's desires, and my dreams.  Even more so, I love to hear Him.  I absolutely love hearing God's voice.  He never disappoints, never discourages.  His voice is always full of love and compassion.  So back to Psalm 103.  I can't say it enough.  "Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise His holy name.  Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me."

Don't Believe In, Believe

Eikon was AWESOME tonight!  I don't even know how to describe how pumped I feel right now.  A 22-year-old guy, Ben, spoke on *drumroll please*..................................................purpose.  I know- you wouldn't have guessed, right?  Seems to be the topic of many of our "conversations" lately.

First thing out of his mouth- What are you doing with your life?  When we are asked that question, we would much rather avoid it at all costs, but it's a question that needs to be answered.  He made an excellent point in saying that life isn't made up of yesterdays or made up of tomorrows, but of todays.  We can't go back, and we can't go forward (nor do we know how much longer we even have here), but we do have today- we have each day that we can live for and really make it count.  But, are we doing it?  He said that his goal this year was to milk every moment out of every day, and at the end of each day be able to say "I made the most.  I did amazing things for God today." 

I hate to just regurgitate what he said, but I also hate to just not share...so, here it goes. 

• God's promises aren't for window shoppers.  We can believe in God's promises all we want.  We can take a piece of Scripture in the morning and think, "Well that's a pretty promise!  Look how pretty that is."  It's not going to do us any good.  Yeah, maybe as nice house decorations or good FB statuses, but those pretty promises don't mean a thing.  We can't just believe in them, we have to believe them- own them.  When God says He will provide, we have to trust that promise and not worry.  When God says He will restore us, we have to trust that promise and wait for restoration.  The promise is pointless if we don't own up to it.
• You may have sunk, but at least you walked on water.  This is when he started talking about Matthew 14:22-33, where Peter walks out to Jesus on the water.  I'm sure you know the drill- Peter takes his eyes off of Christ, and he sinks.  But he walked on water.  He walked on water!  We can be living in God's dreams for us, and mess up.  But at least we're living out His dreams.  We can fail a thousand times over, but at least we're getting back up and trying.  It's when we give up on His dreams that we have to be concerned.
• Don't focus on the size of your waves, but on the size of your God.  Dream big.  It's not about us.  If we could do it on our own, we wouldn't need Jesus.  If we could do it on our own, we would be basking in all our glory, instead of giving Christ the glory He deserves.  Instead of looking around and comparing yourself to others, look to Christ.  When that thought comes in your mind that says, "You'll never be good enough to do that," or "Is that even possible?" remember who you serve.  If you look everywhere but to Christ, you'll sink.  But if you really keep Him as your focus, you'll be doing things that will blow you away!

Of course, during the Q&A session, the whole "life calling" question came up, and once again...answer confirmed : )  Ben said if Christ is your focus and He is truly number one in your life, then His plans become your plans, His dreams- yours.  If you're seeking after Him with everything you've got, then do what you love.  Do what you love!  We're only here for a split second, and we're gone.  We've got to grab hold of the opportunities that lie within our reach.  When you get to heaven, what will you say you've done with your time?  What will I say I've done?  God put these desires in our hearts so that we can pursue what we love and glorify Him.  He wants us to love life and to live it to the fullest.  How will you do that today?

P.S. "It's not my ability, but my response to God's ability that counts." -Corrie Ten Boom

Alert the Media, People!

Well, who would have guessed that the very questions about "purpose" and God's will came up at Eikon last night and have been coming up in my Bible studies ever since I recorded my thoughts a few days ago.  God has a funny sense of humor.

But, no lie, I wasn't joking when I titled this post alert the media.  I finally got it, directly from the heart of God.  I got it.  Let me guess, you're asking, "What is it?"  (Or maybe I like to pretend that you're just that interested that you're on the edge of your chair as you're reading this blog- hmmm....well, it's an entertaining thought anyway- lol).

Here it goes, IT:  This whole life purpose thing isn't about me discovering what I'm supposed to do, but more who I'm supposed to be.  It's the shaping and molding in the process that make a clay pot beautiful in the end.  You can't just skip the middle and go from clay to a pot!  DUH!  Sometimes, I think God must be cracking up when He watches me wander around the earth, crying out, "God, show me what to do with my life!  I'm so confused.  Life is just so hard.  How do I do what you call me to do?"

I can just picture Him saying, "If you just do what I say, you wouldn't have to worry so much.  I even wrote it all down for you...anything else you need from me?"  Haha.

The world isn't happy with God's definition of purpose, because purpose in the world's eyes leads to a desired end.  You have "reached your calling" or "discovered your purpose" in life. With God, there is no end to our journey, and we never stop developing.  That's why our purpose is constantly evolving.  Ultimately, our purpose is to glorify God.  So, however He chooses to use us each day fulfills that purpose.

That's right.  I have no clue where I will be five years from now or what I will be doing.  For the first time, admitting that doesn't make me nervous.  I can say it with complete confidence, knowing that Christ has it all figured out and taken care of.  Whew- what a load off my shoulders!

Now, I'm back to writing papers and studying for midterms.  And I'm gonna give Him the glory for it the whole time and be thankful, because that's what I was created to do.  On purpose.

"You"nique

I started a Bible study on God's love about a week ago.  It is totally revolutionizing the way I see Him. 

Anyways, there were some journal questions today that I thought I would share:  Do you compare yourself to other women?  Do you compare your life and your spirituality to theirs?  How does that affect you?

I think those are great questions, and not just for women.  Too often, we get caught up in trying to be as good as this person, or at least better than this one...if you know what I mean.  I was reminded today that when it comes to spirituality, we aren't designed to shop around and see if someone else's faith will work for us.  We can compare all we want, but doing so doesn't normally benefit us in any way.  In fact, it can make us feel discouraged, or on the flip side, boastful about how "good we are doing."  Neither of those options are in God's plans for us.

There is no one else like me.  Never was.  Never will be.  My spiritual journey holds that same principle.  I cannot compare myself with others and expect to be living in all that God has for me.  He has a unique and specific purpose for each of us, and if we're so busy trying to be someone else, we can never fully embrace the life we were created to live.

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which He prepared in advance for us to do.
-Ephesians 2:10

So, today, don't be anybody but you.  It's okay to have role models, but realize that Christ is the only one worth idolizing.  And if you put your trust and life in His perfect love, you won't be disappointed.

What in the World Am I Doing?

I know, I know you're probably tired of "hearing" me talk about purpose, but the subject is just so downright fascinating and confusing at the same time.

When I read in the Bible how God ordains all of our days and has them all numbered, it is fascinating.  Yet, when I try to discover what I will do next year, after I graduate- even, this summer...my mind just goes a million different directions and nowhere all at once (hence the confusion part).  Is this making any sense?  Probably not.

I have all these ideas about what God might be calling me to do in my life, but then I get overwhelmed at the thought of making sure that each step I take is in His will.  I hear messages about the will of God, read books about the will of God, and try to learn from the Bible.  And I just keep coming up short.  There are very few times in my life that I can distinctly remember hearing God direct me exactly where to go, and me following in suit. 

For the most part, I feel like it's me saying, "Well, this is something that will glorify God, and it looks like that's what I'm supposed to do, so I'll just go with that." 

My problem stems from a lack in listening.  Seems like whenever I question purpose in life lately, this verse pops into my mind:

"You search the Scriptures because you think they give you eternal life.  But the Scriptures point to me!  Yet you refuse to come to me to receive this life."  -John 5:39

It's like I keep trying to find that "perfect Bible verse" that gives me an AHA moment, where I instantly know what Christ is calling me to do.  But, I don't think there is one.  Please, correct me if I'm wrong- I'm trying to figure this all out.  But, I feel like instead of searching the Scriptures and asking person after person, I should just go to Jesus.  If I am filled up with His Spirit, then His will eventually becomes my will....right?

It sounds so much easier in writing.  When people say, "What are you going to do after college?"  or "How did you decide where to go to college?," I explain and immediately realize that I never asked Christ about any of it.  What a dangerous position.

Then (oh my- this post just keeps going on and on- feel free to check out if you get bored of this rambling!), I was talking to someone the other day who said, "Either God has you at Nova for a very specific purpose, or you're just there."  Hmmm...of course that got me thinking- why am I here?  What am I doing?  How is Christ using me?  Am I still supposed to be here?  Am I supposed to be here next year?

And the cycle continues.  A cycle of question and worry and doubt and confusion.  I know the Bible says, "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything."  It's just so stinkin' hard sometimes!

Additionally, Jesus reminds us, "Don't worry about tomorrow."  I don't even know if I'll be here tomorrow.  But there has to be balance.  I have to have some idea about what the future holds and be content with my present. 

Balance is one of those words that I struggle with in a major way.  Life gets off kilter so easily, yet balance is what we all seek and what Christ desires in our lives.  Anyone have any suggestions? : )

One more thought, and then I'll leave you alone- haha.  Our "calling" in life is based on our unique gifts and talents.  Christ also wants us to enjoy our job and use it to glorify Him.  So if we find our gifts and talents, then pursue a career that is headed in that direction, are we in God's will?

No Holding Back

It feels so good to be caught up in God's presence again!  Every day He continues to refresh my spirit with sweet promises of forgiveness and grace (probably the two most overused and misunderstood terms in Christianity).  I've truly been able to breathe in His goodness and unfailing love.

I've been learning so much lately that I feel led to share.  Maybe it's something that God needs to remind us every once in a while.  I find that the simplest truths are the ones that hit home the most when we really get them.  We're just so used to hearing some of these things that we don't take the time to really sit and think about it.

What about the mind of Christ?  Yes, if you are a Christian, you have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:11-16).  That's craziness!  Have you ever thought about that? Think about all that Christ did in his few years on earth.  And to think that we have His mind....it's unreal.  I just couldn't get over that the other day.  All day, I just kept saying to myself, "I have the mind of Christ?  I have the mind of Christ!"  I think it's ironic how much we rely on the advice and approval of others when we have the God of the heavens living inside of us, ready to guide us and direct our paths if we simply ask (1 John 5:14-15, John 5:39-40).

The other thing that's been heavy on my heart is human approval.  It's so easy to get caught up in making other people happy, or even avoiding discussing certain topics so it won't be "awkward."  Yes, I'll admit it.  Sometimes I don't even bring up my faith in my conversations because I'm afraid or because I think from then on, our relationship will be uncomfortable.  But does it matter?  God has placed in me a new heart that is driven by His love, how could I possibly hold that back from someone?  It would be a cruel punishment, to tell you the truth.  To think that I have the answer that they've been searching for their whole life, but I choose to keep it to myself.  What is that?  (2 Timothy 2:15) Why am I so concerned with being socially correct over spiritually obedient? 

Imagine one of your friends wandering with you in the desert.  One day, you decide to take a walk and discover a pond of life-giving water.  And (let's make this magical), if you swim under the water, you can go to a distant land that sustains you forever.  Once you make this discovery, you never go back to tell your friend.  You leave him or her parched and thristy, dying and gasping for a chance to truly live.  But it doesn't matter, because you're happy and you're living the life.  Sounds pretty selfish, right?

I can't continue to hold back.  God has a purpose for me each day.  Each day, there's someone who needs that smile, or that word of encouragement.  And there's someone who needs to hear the Gospel.  If it's my guess, there's multiple people in a day that need those things.  To hold that back from them is not what I was created for.  What about you?

Come, my wayward daughter.

The other night I opened my Bible to Jeremiah 29:11. I was praying about purpose and God’s will and getting back on track, so I thought that was the perfect place to turn. I read the verse and just kept reading through the book, discovering little nuggets of encouragement.


My absolute favorite discovery of the night was Jeremiah 31:18-22.

NLT:

18 I have heard Israel saying,

‘You disciplined me severely,

like a calf that needs training for the yoke.

Turn me again to you and restore me,

for you alone are the LORD my God.

19 I turned away from God,

but then I was sorry.

I kicked myself for my stupidity!

I was thoroughly ashamed of all I did in my younger days.’

20 “Is not Israel still my son,

my darling child?” says the LORD.

“I often have to punish him,

but I still love him.

That’s why I long for him

and surely will have mercy on him.

21 Set up road signs;

put up guideposts.

Mark well the path

by which you came.

Come back again, my virgin Israel;

return to your towns here.

22 How long will you wander,

my wayward daughter?

For the LORD will cause something new to happen—

Israel will embrace her God.[b]”


My heart couldn’t contain my joy. It described perfectly my recent journey back to my Father’s heart. I had turned from God and was discouraged when I saw how far I’d departed. I asked for restoration and reminded myself that He should be my only God.

And then God…and then God shows up in a big way and reminds me that He still loves me. He still longs for me. He will have mercy on me. He asks me to “come back” and return to what I know is the only way. I love how He says, “Come back, my virgin Israel.” I think virgin was there on purpose. Israel had been wondering and pursuing other gods, yet He still identifies the nation as “virgin,” or pure. How awesome that God sees us like that even when we’ve totally screwed up.

But this has got to be the best part, “How long will you wander, my wayward daughter? I will cause something new to happen- Israel will embrace her God.”

OH MY GOODNESS! I don’t know why this verse has spoken to me so much. I guess it’s cause I just got stuck in a rut and I felt like the same things were happening over and over and no matter how hard I tried I just kept going the wrong direction. YET, God offers promise for my future, well promise for my now. “I will cause something new to happen- [Chelsea] will embrace her God.”

I think the thing is that HE will cause something new to happen. I can’t force something to happen that God doesn’t will. I’ve been trying to do it on my own, and you just can’t have a relationship with someone when it’s one-sided.

“[Chelsea] will embrace her God.” I felt a little bold replacing Israel with my own name, but God was speaking right at me, saying, “Yeah, you messed up. You left me for other gods. You abandoned the very faith that used to be your stronghold. But, there is hope, Chelsea. There is hope, my daughter. Things are going to start happening. I’m gonna change your heart. And soon enough, you’re gonna embrace me instead of run from me.”

And ever since that night a few days ago, I’ve struggled, as everyone does with keeping God first, above everything else. And every time I hear that voice in my head when I contemplate and wonder why I would even bother trying so hard… “Come, my wayward daughter. It’s time, time to embrace your God.”

Isn’t He the best?

I used to think the sun was evil...

A lot of things have been happening lately. Besides the start of the new semester and adjusting to a schedule change, I’ve also come out of the dark so to speak.


I’m gonna go off on a tangent (I know what you’re thinking- already? lol), but it will all make sense in the end, so bear with me. Hopefully you’ve seen the movie Benchwarmers because you will understand where I’m coming from with this. An awkward yet hilarious character by the name of Howie is depicted throughout the entire movie as being 1.) afraid of the sun (natural light) and 2.) afraid of most people.

Now, I can relate to the first one, but not so much the second. These past few months I’ve been afraid of the Light. It was like I enjoyed not caring about my relationship with Christ, even though I knew that’s what was making me miserable. I searched, yet I rejected truth that I found. I read, but felt no need to take heart or apply what I was reading. It was a constant battle. I knew what I should be doing, but for some reason, I didn’t want to do it. I was happy being unhappy, which was REALLY weird for me, because I’m not normally like that…I’m sure most of you know that.

Anyway, I was afraid to go back to the Light. I guess I was more ashamed or embarrassed that if I did, He wouldn’t want me. It was like if I did run to Him, I would be “giving up” or “giving in” because I wasn’t strong enough on my own.

Gradually, as I began to realize that I obviously couldn’t live this life on my own, I began seeking His face once again in little ways. Maybe a Christian book here. A prayer there. Some scripture if I felt like it. Nothing hard core, to say the least. And, I’m still not back to where I want to be, where I used to be. You know that old saying, “If you’re not moving forward, you’re sliding backwards.”? I figured (in this period of darkness) that if I wasn’t moving forward, I would just stay in my place. WRONG.

Praise God for mercy and grace, for everlasting love that sees past my stupidity and embraces my potential. I am forever indebted to my wonderful Savior who took my life and once again reminded me of redemption, a gift so sweet that each time it really sinks in, I can hardly believe it myself.

In Howie’s words, “I used to think the sun was evil, but now I know it’s not.” : )

Guess this is what i was talking about the other day.

writdesignphotoreaderforthebigdreamer...or something like that.

What happened to dreams? What happened to thinking I could do whatever I put my heart and mind to? What happened to making my life count and using the talents I was given?

I don’t think it’s just me. A lot of people I’ve talked to say the same thing. It’s like we’re going through college to check it off on our list, but in the midst, we lose the very vision we had that made us want to pursue a college education in the first place.

It’s to do something big- to develop the talents we were blessed with, to come alive. Funny how I say “come alive” when a flat heart rate is all I feel towards the end of this semester (JK…kinda ; ).

But, really…as kids we’re taught that we should dream big and reach for the stars. That’s so easy to do before the world laughs at you and announces that you’re going crazy. Publish a book? Yeah, right. Start your own graphic design company? Do you know how many people are already trying to do that? The sad thing is that criticism from the outside begins to take root and soon enough you find yourself cutting down your own ideas. Become a professional photographer? Like you’re really that good- come on, get a grip. Run a marathon? OK…that will happen, um, never.

But, there are a select few- the few who choose to forgo the normal route of thinking and excel beyond human belief.

I think of people like Albert Einstein and Benjamin Franklin and Walt Disney. People who believed in themselves- really believed that they had something to contribute to this world that no one else could. Your name should be on that list because, while you may not know it, there’s a very big reason that you’ve been placed on this earth. And, those big dreams aren’t just floating around in that noggin for nothing! I should be on that list, too- we all have something that no one else has.

• I love to write. I feel like it clears my head and helps me sort through what I’m feeling. I guess it kinda makes me think I know what I’m talking about, too : ).

• Good design inspires me; in fact, good design literally makes me smile sometimes. There’s nothing better than seeing a brochure or logo and having that slow burn effect, where you go, “Oh…I see it. I get it. That’s so clever.”

• I love photography. It gives me the opportunity to capture a moment in time that no one will be able to return to. It reminds me to slow down and take in the beauty that’s around me.

• Reading (though I don’t have much time to read for leisure lately) is so refreshing, and being able to escape to a different time and place offers a new experience each time. I think this goes back to the “great contributors” I mentioned earlier. Picking up a book allows me to enter someone else’s mind, to get a feel of where they’re coming from. In essence, I receive the wisdom they’ve contributed, giving me a new perspective on things.

• I enjoy laughing and smiling and watching other people do the same.

That’s what I love. Those are the things that excite me, that drive me- that give me a reason.

This whole college-students- should-have-it-all-figured-out-with-a-ten-year-plan-and-five-internships-before-they-graduate-thing is a bit stressful. I mean really, how are we supposed to plan a life that’s so unpredictable?  I can’t even decide what to wear in the morning, needless to say what I want to do with my life.

I guess that’s because it seems so final. Like once I make a decision after college-that’s it! Game over. Stuck there the rest of your life. So it feels necessary that I choose wisely. I don’t want to get stuck doing something I hate. Even worse, I don’t want to get stuck doing something I love only halfway because I’m scared of dreaming big.

If only there were a job entitled writdesignphotoreaderforthebigdreamer! Although, that would be quite a mouthful for an introduction…

Not Your Average 5K

Anyone who has been around me for a decent amount of time knows that I like to be comfortable. Whether we’re talking about temperature, clothing, beds, pillows, shoes- comfort is ideal. You might not be much different. But, as I sit in my adorably decorated dorm room (thanks, Mom : ), I think “Is comfort what I live for?” If I’m not “comfortable,” either physically or emotionally, am I still truly “comfortable” with how life is going? There’s something more, something greater that calls me to a life beyond comfort. I believe everyone has that yearning for adventure, because I also believe that God put it in each of us. You have to admit- everyday life can sometimes be boring or routine, and maybe God is calling you to do something out of the ordinary, essentially out of your comfort zone.


The reason I bring up all this chatter about comfort is because I believe God is calling me to 11 months without it. I heard about a mission trip, or should I say mission adventure called The World Race about half a year ago. Since I was first introduced to the idea, I was truly intrigued. 11 months, 11 different countries. Mission work 24/7, never knowing what to expect or where you might sleep at night. While part of me says “Ahh!,” the other part says, “Perfect! That’s what I need to do.” It’s weird how many times this “little” adventure pops into my head throughout the week, and I’m beginning to think Someone is putting it there on purpose, if you know what I mean.

I don’t want to go where God is not leading, and I know He will do everything in His perfect timing. All I’m asking is that you partner with me in prayer, beginning when you read this post, for The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results (James 5:16). It will come together if that’s what needs to happen- I trust Him.

What do you want to do with your life?

My first assignment for Mass Media class: Create your personal mission/vision statement about what you want to do and how you will get there. Due next week. Easy enough- that's something people always ask. It's more like a life plan than a personal statement. For inspiration, I began "Googling" personal mission statements and was pleasantly surprised at the outcome. I ran across a website, Franklin Covey (http://www.franklincovey.com/msb/), where I built my own statement in a matter of 15 minutes or so. It wasn't the kind of statement the professor asked for, so this was just some exploratory research of my own : ). Going through the open-ended sentences and questions really made me reflect on my life and my goals.

Last night in Principles of Public Relations, a guest speaker discussed the importance of plans (strategic, business, communication, annual, etc….too many to discuss!). She said plans are basically a statement of "How can we measure success? What do we want to do, and how will we know when we have achieved those goals?" And since I'm a weird college student, I began taking the lecture personally. How do I measure success? What am I doing each day to contribute to my ultimate goal? What is my ultimate goal? I mean, I am so used to answering the question, "What do you want to do?" that I forget that there's so much more to that than a simple profession. When I answered the questions she asked, I thought- there's gotta be more. I can't dilute my whole life down to a profession and the means to get there. That's not what I want. My ultimate goal is to reach as many people for Christ, however He chooses to use me, all the while giving Him the glory so that He can become more and I can become less. I want my time here on earth to positively impact the lives of others, leaving a lasting legacy that is more than a laundry list of my accomplishments as a student or professional. Is that it? If you were to look at my day to day life right now, yes- that's it...me trying to create a laundry list of accomplishments to check off as I go. The actions I am taking today seem to say that my ultimate goal in life is to become the best communications professional I can be by studying trends, gaining knowledge, and networking with others who are like-minded (not a bad thing in and of itself, but it is when it's higher on the priority list than Christ).

Is what I'm doing day to day contributing to my success, as I define it? No, no, and no. Since I have been at Nova this year, I have not reached out to one person regarding my Christianity. I have not gone out of my way to serve those less fortunate, in an effort to demonstrate the love of Christ. I have not made an intense effort to be totally absorbed in God's Word, more so than my class studies. Yes, I have been reading and studying for hours on end, but only for my classes- to get good grades and learn about the profession. So I have to ask, is this it? Is this really what I want to do with my life? I know the answer deep down, but living that conviction out every day is much harder than you think.

What about you? Is this it? Are you living each day to achieve that ultimate goal you have set for yourself? I would love to hear input. You can even shoot me an email with your Mission Statement from the website I mentioned earlier. Who knows…you could be my newest inspiration : ).