Relocation

To my dear followers (if there are still any of you out there after my period of silence ; ) ....I have relocated my blog to Wordpress.  Blogger has been having too many issue for me to deal with!  If you are still interested in following, you can visit http://www.chelseamarie.wordpress.com/ and subscribe by email or put me on your blog roll.  Thank you for reading my ramblings these past few years.  I hope to entertain - at least myself- with many more in the coming months.  If I don't see you around the blogosphere anymore, happy blogging : )

Awesome Wallpaper : )

The graphic designer in me had to share....love this wallpaper! 

Click on the picture to enlarge and download if you like. 

Lessons from Leg Lifts

Leg lifts.  15 minutes. Stop when the machine goes off.
It takes a little work to make a muscle stronger.  My knee was injured from running, and I've been going to physical therapy for a few weeks now.  At the end of each session, I get hooked up to a machine that sends electric shock to my muscles to make them contract (it's not as bad as it sounds- trust me). Each time the pulse begins to contract my muscle, I have to lift and hold my leg for 5 seconds.  15 minutes.

"If you get tired, you can just flex your muscle and then rest, instead of lifting it up and down."  Easy way out.

Well, I get there -- tired. 

So, naturally, I stop lifting my leg.  And about 30 seconds later, the buzzer rings and the shock stops and I sigh. 

I could have kept going if I would have known it was only 30 seconds longer.

How many times have I taken that easy way out?  I get a little tired, so I don't try as hard. 

Isn't that what faith is for? Pushing through when it hurts, embracing the hurt, knowing it will make us stronger. Not knowing when a trial is over, and not asking, but just taking it for what it is- learning and growing in the process. It may be painful in the process, and it may be exhausting, but the muscle is strengthening.  It may seem as if it will never end, but God is saying, "Just a few more lifts....come on, you can do it."

The school year's coming to an end.  Classes are almost over.  Time to move. New schedule. Different crowds.  But I can't just quit at the end, as to-do lists get longer and days get shorter and I grow weary.  I have to finish, and the Lord would have me finish well. 

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing." 2  Timothy 4:7-8

Decisions, Decisions.

My Mom mentioned to me a few weeks ago..."it doesn't matter what decision you make if the options are both good- just make a decision!"  Now, this statement can be taken out of context and applied in all sorts of wrong ways, but I think you'll catch my drift. 

My problem isn't that I act impulsively or irrationally.  It's that I don't act at all.  Once she pointed that out, I realized that it is one of the major stressors in my day-to-day life.  I face a problem, evaluate the options, and leave the decision for later because choosing just seems too hard.  Meanwhile, in the back of my mind, I contantly review my pro and con lists, never reaching a conclusion.
It's because I'm afraid to fail.  I will do anything it takes to do it right.  I don't want to mess up.  Let's be honest.  Does anyone?  But, I've come to realize these past few weeks, what's worse...moving and messing up, or not moving at all?  Doesn't the risk attached to the step of faith pay off in the end?
Roll with me here.  I step out on faith and mess up.  God redeems it and teaches me in the process, if I'm truly seeking His will.  Or, I stay where I am and stress out.  Nothing gets accomplished, and I'm an emotional wreck. 
I can remember even as a kid, the indecision I faced with something as simple as ordering at a restaurant. When I couldn't make up my mind, I'd just give the server three options and tell her, "Surprise me!"
No one can make the daily decisions I face now.  I can't just throw in the towel and say "Surprise me!" (Though God does like to do that sometimes!) The Lord has blessed me- yes, BLESSED me- with the ability to choose.  Instead of seeing it as a burden, I am learning to see it as one more opportunity to lean on Him.

*******

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Just Go with It

Do you ever have one of those days where it's so terrible, you just have to laugh?  That would be today : ) Seriously- you just have to look around sometimes and think...I know You're up to something, God!  And, I am so very thankful for laughter- for that joyful release, the inner bubbling fountain that comes from the depths of a soul that is still clinging to hope in Christ. Because He's still in control, no matter how ridiculous it looks right now.

"...and she laughs without fear of the future" (Proverbs 31:25)

Like a Restless Child

God's been teaching me a lot about waiting.  Like a restless child, I often refuse, not knowing what my Father has in store.  I feel decisions need to be rushed, projects completed, deadlines met.  

Wait.

For a sweet word from His lips.

Wait.

For a lamp unto my feet.

Wait.

For a light unto my path.

Wait.

In stillness.

Wait.

Not moving, but allowing Him to move.

Not seeing, but allowing Him to guide.

Not knowing, but resting in His wisdom.

Wait.

And trust.

Because a child knows her daddy's voice.

And when He's ready for her to move,

She'll know.

But for now, I wait. 

I serve the Author of time.  He is not bound by the constraints I daily see. One of my friends introduced me to this video the other night.  I couldn't stop thinking about it once she showed it to me, mostly because I've been so hammered with theme of "wait" and "rest" lately.  Though Janette's poem is about relationships, I think the heart of the poem is about submission to Christ in every aspect of life, trusting that His plan is the best.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  I want the guy she describes, and I want to be the woman she details.

P.S. The best part of the video (in my humble opinion) starts around 5:30 : )



This way, Chels.

My friend Diana and I were strolling through a mega-church parking lot a few weeks ago. Needless to say, there were like 5,599,302 parking spaces (okay, so the fish wasn’t quite that big ; ). I didn't drive with her and had no clue where she was parked. Yet, I was walking as if her blue Sentra was calling my name. I'd start talking with her and then make a turn or a slight veer to the right. She laughed, saying, "Chels, where are you going? This way, Chels." I'm still trying to figure out why it was I thought I knew my way.

About a week later, we were walking out of her office to go downstairs. We had come up one way and would be using the same stairwell to leave. But, for some reason, I was determined to exit another way. I started to go out the double glass doors, when I heard Diana chuckling. "Chels, where are you going? This way, Chels."

I'm so set in my ways and my plans and my feelings. God has a path set for me, but instead of following His lead, I wander around, acting like I know where I'm supposed to go or what I'm supposed to do.

The more I listen to myself and follow my own advice, the more worn out and weary I feel. I can never be good enough, strong enough, willing enough, ____________ enough. My inadequacy overtakes me, and I want to throw in the towel.

Daniel felt the same way, but he didn’t wallow in his insufficiency.

In Daniel 10, he sees a glorious vision—Jesus Christ Himself. "His body was like beryl, his face like the appearance of lightning, his eyes like torches of fire, his arms and feet like burnished bronze in color, and the sound of his words like the voice of a multitude. And I, Daniel, alone saw the vision." (v. 6)

You probably didn’t catch that the first time. Read it again. Seriously.

Can you imagine? A body like beryl. A brilliance of light illuminating His face. Eyes set aflame, and limbs that glow. A voice resounding as if a multitude. And Daniel was the only one there.

I don’t know about you, but I don't really see Him enough. I see my version of God— God in a box. I dumb Him down to human understanding when, in reality, He could never be contained in my dinky brain. If I could really wrap my mind around Him each day, I think I would react like Daniel. "No strength remained in me; for my vigor was turned into frailty in me, and I retained no strength." (v. 8)

Coming into personal contact with the strength of the Lord sheds light on your own insufficiency.

I think I'm giving? He gave His life. I think I'm loving? He washed His betrayer's feet. I think I'm patient? He longsuffered for 33 years on this perverse and fallen earth. I think I'm reaching out? He lived to seek and save the lost.

I don't measure up. Period. What I perceive as strength comes to nothing because of who He is. Not an ounce of me is good. "O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24-25)

Daniel was as low as he could get. Literally- "face to the ground" (v. 9), trembling on his hands and knees (v. 10). That's where God met him. We often think God is proudest of us when we're standing tall for Him, but I think He's much more pleased when we confess our weaknesses and bow in humility.

The next few verses are so powerful. "And he said to me..." (v. 11) God is speaking directly to Daniel, and Daniel knows because he's in the position to receive God's words.

"O Daniel, man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak to you, and stand upright, for I have now been sent to you." Wow. Greatly beloved. What does God call you? What does He call me? O Chelsea, restless child? O Chelsea, self-reliant woman? O Chelsea, woman after my heart? What does my character boil down to in God's eyes? I think it has a lot to do with our position before His throne.

"While he was still speaking this word to me, I stood trembling." (v. 11) Daniel's humility didn't escape when God called him to stand. 1 Peter 5:6 says, "Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God that He may exalt you in due time." Daniel recognized God's holiness and his nothingness, and because of that, God called him to stand.

"Then he said to me, 'Do not fear, Daniel, for from the first day that you SET YOUR HEART to understand, and to HUMBLE YOURSELF before your God, your words were heard; and I have come because of your words." (v. 12) God is waiting for us to make up our hearts. We might have our minds attuned to God, but are our hearts, the core of our beings, determined to understand and follow after Him?

"From the first day" we do that, God hears us. He hears our cry for help. And as Abba, our Father, He comes to our rescue. He comes to speak directly to His kids.

Daniel's vision caused him sorrow and grief. He saw what was to come and felt overwhelmed, but God didn’t leave him there. "Then again, the one having the likeness of a man touched me and strengthened me. And he said, 'O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you; be strong, yes be strong!'" (v. 18-19)

There's something in His voice. Something in His touch. Something that keeps me longing for more. I try to be strong and independent. I realize only vulnerability and complete dependency upon Him will do. I mark my own path, determined to stay the course. I realize His path is best. I think I can pridefully approach the throne with bold requests. I realize the importance of a gentle and quiet spirit birthed out of humility.

"So when he spoke to me I was strengthened..." (v. 19)

***SheSpeaks is an annual conference that connects women to the heart of God, providing them with the tools necessary to step out on faith and step up to proclaim.  SheSpeaks is for speakers, writers, and leaders who have a desire to learn and grow in their gifts for ministry.  This updated post is a submission for a SheSpeaks scholarship, offered on Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience.  If you are interested in applying for the scholarship, visit this link for more information.

Beyond Feeling

Small group on Monday was so off.  I felt like the Lord left our group high and dry- I could see it in the dreary faces of the girls and hear it in the silent emptiness that pervaded the room.  It's never like that.  It broke my heart to hear one of the girls say..."Normally when I walk in here, I feel this sense of peace flood over me, but today I don't feel that." God- did I do something wrong? Search my heart. That was the cry of my sister, Sarah, and I after everyone left the short study.  Was the emptiness because of any sin within us?

God is so, so faithful. Yesterday morning in my devotional (I'm going through Judges now), I read chapter 6, and He opened my eyes to spiritual truth.  Here's a quick rundown...

The book of Judges is a cyclical book. The Israelites experience freedom from bondage, use their freedom to sin against God, regret their sin, cry out to God, and He delivers them...then they begin the cycle again by sinning against God. I cannot count on my hand how many times this has already happened in the book so far, but more practically, in my life. Yet, they, and I, still turn to God every time because we know He's the only One that can fix it.

After their rebellion this time, God sends an Angel to visit Gideon while he is gathering food. He says to Gideon, "The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor!" (v. 12) God calls Gideon mighty. Yet, Gideon misses it completely and goes on to say, "O my lord [notice the lowercase], if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us?" (v. 13).

It's funny how we have a tendency to blame our circumstances on God when our poor decisions are the reason we got there in the first place. The Israelites were handed over to the Midianites because they "did evil in the sight of the Lord" (v. 1), probably worshipping false gods in the land (v. 10). God lays out the best path, but He also gives us free will to choose. We can't blame God for our poor decisions- we must pray that He will grant us grace and help us organize victory out of our mistakes.

Then God says to Gideon, "Go in this might of yours, and you shall save Israel form the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you?" (v. 14). God still calls Gideon mighty, despite his whiney attitude and unbelief. In fact, He still chooses to use him regardless of his feebleness. Gideon said it himself- "O my, Lord [notice the capital letter], my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father's house" (v. 15).

Don't miss this. God isn't looking at your mistakes and pointing a finger. He's looking at the mess you're in and offering a hand to help you out. It is not God's will that anyone live a life that is less than the best He offers. He's a good Dad, and He believes in His kids- not because of who we are, but because of whose we are. He can truly "work all things together for the good of those who love God, those who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

Gideon leaves to prepare an offering for the Lord, begging the Angel not to depart. The Angel commanded Gideon to lay His offering on the rock, drenched in broth, and then it was consumed by fire. Finally, Gideon was able to proclaim, "Alas, O Lord GOD! For I have seen the Angel of the Lord face to face" (v. 22). Gideon admitted his unbelief- there was still doubt within him that the Angel was truly of the Lord. God did a miracle to prove Himself, and Gideon believed.

First "lord," then "Lord," then "Lord GOD!" Yet, God never changed. He was the constant. Gideon's feelings and attitude didn't determine the character or presence of God. He was there from the beginning, but Gideon's perspective had to change. I am oh so grateful that God is who He says He is, regardless of how I feel.  He's with me forever and always. 

"But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him" (Hebrews 11:6).


"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1).
 

It's too loud around here.

It's interesting that as long as I've known God, I still choose to turn to other sources for answers.  I know He is the God of all wisdom and the One who makes the plans, but I turn to every other source for some sort of confirmation or indication that what God is saying is true.  Is that what He intended?  I think not. 

Now, don't get me wrong- it's not bad to seek godly counsel.  That's Biblical.  What's bad is when I seek godly counsel before I seek God.  Or, if I seek God and hear Him saying one thing while the rest of the world is screaming another.  Funny how the world tends to drown out that gentle and quiet whisper. 

The truth is, we know the truth.  Deep down, we have the Holy Spirit who is burning to guide and counsel us.  But, we allow our own thoughts and the thoughts of others to drown out the quiet counsel of our souls.  And, then we complain that we can't hear God.

Maybe it's just me.  Or maybe you're in the same boat.  But, what would happen if we didn't open our mouths to others until we got a clear perspective from God?  I think- and this is just my humble opinion- we would save ourselves a lot of confusion and a lot of time.  How much easier is it to listen to the an omniscient God than a few of your friends whose thoughts are not nearly as high as His?

I'm reading Elisabeth Elliot's book, Passion and Purity, and it has been convicting on a number of levels.  Just when I think I have "been crucified with Christ," I find myself running back to old habits and dependencies.

Everything we experience must first be given to God. A praise? To God. A trial? To God. A worry? To God.  A fear? To God.  Not to anyone else but Him first.  Why do I get this so mixed up?

"Waiting silently is the hardest thing of all...but the things that we feel most deeply we ought to learn to be silent about, at least until we have talked them over with God." Elisabeth Elliot

Lean on Me

“We’re like two big human crutches. There ya go- just keep walking.”


“So, you said she had hip surgery?”

“Yeah. She had hip replacement surgery. Thanks so much for helping. You’re a God-send.”

I saw Brittany when I was pulling into the dorm parking lot. Her friend was trying to stand her up, but she just kept falling over. Her crutches were lying on the ground.

I got out of my car, grabbed my stuff, contemplated what I should do, and heard her friend say, “Hey! Can you help us?”

“Sure, let me put my stuff down. Does she have a key?”

“Yeah, she lives here.”

The stench of her breath alone was enough to tell the story. “I just wanted to be social,” she said.

“Be quiet. And just keep walking,” her friend said.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Funny how God works, isn’t it? He knew I would be pulling in the parking lot at that exact time to see those two girls try to maneuver their way into the dorms- one sober, one wasted.

Brittany’s arm wrapped tightly around my neck. “Thank you so much for helping me. I’m so sorry. I just wanted to be social.”

Brittany wasn’t the only one like that tonight. No- there were others, countless others- who stumbled in parking lots and slurred their words until they could no longer speak. They spent time over toilets and sending texts to strangers. They found five minutes of satisfaction followed by a night of misery. They discovered false happiness when all they were searching for was true joy.

And it breaks my heart.

Brittany’s sentence sums it up perfectly. “I just wanted to be social.”

How many more Brittany’s are there? How many more people just want to interact with others and feel something- anything- that makes them feel?

And, I know Brittany will wake up tomorrow with a major headache and a list of regrets. I’ll pass her on campus in a few days, and she’ll have no idea who I am.

Yet, I feel that I know the deepest part of her- the part that’s screaming for an escape, the part of everyone that says, “There’s gotta be something more.”

Being a crutch is hard because your job is to support, not correct. Therapy and doctors correct the damaged hip. The crutches just aid in the process.

My words wouldn’t heal a drunken girl’s heart. My thoughts wouldn’t even make sense. I have to trust the Doctor- that through “prayer and the supply of the spirit of Jesus Christ,” (Phil. 1:19) Brittany will be delivered.

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Eph. 6:12-13

I May Be Weak

The first time I heard this song was at a Christmas concert. I couldn’t get the bridge out of my head…


“I may be weak,

But Your Spirit’s strong in me,

My flesh may fail,

My God, You never will.”

I felt like I could sing that for days and not get tired of it. I still feel like that. Music always brings me to a thinking place. I love that about a good song. The lyrics can be as simple as day, but it makes me stop and ponder what I’m really singing (or attempting to sing, in my case ; ).

If there is anything I’ve realized these past few months, it is the fact that I am so, so weak. I get tired if I have too much to do. My body feels exhausted after a week full speed. If I don’t eat, I get lightheaded. If I don’t sleep, I can’t function. The limitations are…well, limitless. A thousand times over, I could explain my weakness as a human being, but that does you no good.

Sure, you can identify with feeling weak (well, you guys may have a harder time…just kidding!). But, why is it important that you understand? Only when we recognize our frailty can we submit to God for true strength.

To ask God for strength when you believe you can do life on your own is pointless. That’s like a millionaire asking for money. We ask for strength because we know that without Him, we’re bankrupt. Empty. Zero.

So, in my weakness, He is Strength.

And in my failure, He is Victorious.

Isn’t that a crazy thought? I mean, I can fail time and time and time again- even at the same thing- but God NEVER fails. EVER. EVER! Do you hear what I’m saying, people?! We commune with an incredible God, who fights our battles for us. But just like acknowledging we need His strength, we must be willing to give up the battles. We can’t go in with our own plan, explaining to God the tactics that will work best.

You might be laughing, but isn’t it true? How many times do we find ourselves rationalizing what we are doing and explaining to God why our way is better? And each time we do, we fail. Because we serve a God that conquers, because He’s wise. He knows that only by His victory will we ever be satisfied.

It’s almost like we’re fighting against our own team. Imagine a football team that scores a touchdown for the other team. Or, men in war killing their own men. That doesn’t make sense. Can I remind you of something? GOD IS FOR US. He’s the only One there for us 100% of the time with more love and power than we can imagine. So, why- and maybe it’s just me- why, do we squirm and fight against what He’s trying to produce in and through us sometimes?

I know, I know. Pruning is painful. The things He asks us to sacrifice are the things we love. And if they aren’t, they wouldn’t be a sacrifice would they?

Oh, but we miss the second part of the story. We focus so much on what God is calling us to do/say/be/give/give up that we forget the blessing that stems from obedience to His gentle voice.

“I need You to soften my heart,

And break me apart,

I need You to open my eyes,

To see that You’re shaping my life.

All I am, I surrender.

Give me faith to trust what You say,

That You’re good, and Your love is great,

I’m broken inside, I give You my life.”

(Give Me Faith, Elevation Worship)

What an incredible weekend this has been. Not because I did anything super special, but because it was soaked with the presence of God.

There’s nothing and no one like Him.

“Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon the earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26