I'm Back

So I think this will turn into a tradition…me posting while I’m supposed to be studying for my exams. Seems like I did this the last two semesters, too. It has nothing to do with procrastinating or not wanting to look for one more minute at my ginormous study guide…no, it is just THAT important that I have to post it NOW!

I have been reading Brennan Manning’s book The Furious Longing of God. Well, I just started it this weekend. Anyways, so far, so good. I  found that this passage struck a chord today:

“If you took the love of all the best mother and fathers who have lived in the course of human history, all their goodness, kindness, patience, fidelity, wisdom, tenderness, strength, and love and united all those qualities in a single person, that person’s love would only be a faint shadow of the furious love and mercy in the heart of God the Father addressed to you and me at this moment.”

I always hear that you never know the love of a parent until you become one.  Considering that is QUITE a ways down the road for me, this illustration sure helps me to understand.  I do have to say that I am blessed with possibly the most incredible parents in the world (no offense, anyone ; ).  To imagine that their love doesn't even add up to a faint shadow of God's love?  WOW.  Hard to grip my head around that idea.

I don’t know why I was running in the first place. Was it because He asked me to do something that was uncomfortable? Was it because I got bored? Maybe it was because I got tired? Whatever it was, I’m glad that looming cloud of darkness has passed, and I’m beginning to see the Light again.  His love is so good.

Internal Dialectics

"The rest of Brennan Manning is a bundle of paradoxes and contradictions.  I believe in God with all my heart.  And in a given day when I see a nine-year-old girl raped and murdered by a sex maniac or a four-year-old boy slaughtered by a drunken driver, I wonder if God even exists.  As I've said before, I address Him and I get discouraged.  I love and I hate.  I feel better about feeling good.  I feel guilty if I don't feel guilty.  I'm wide open, I'm locked in.  I'm trusting and suspicious.  I'm honest and I still play games.  Aristotle said I'm a rational animal.  But I'm not."


-Brennan Manning, The Furious Longing of God

Be Like a Duck

Is it weird that as far as I feel from God, I feel like He still talks to me? In the midst of my crazy, messy life, I find myself thanking Him for the wonderful little things that He chooses to sprinkle in my life.

It was the weirdest thing, but yesterday I saw so many ducks. I ran into the first one in the CVS parking lot before class. He was hanging out near my car and reluctantly moved from his puddle to allow me to enter the driver side. Then, when I was studying in the UC, I saw two more just waddling around the pond. I felt like they were everywhere. And the greatest thing was that they made me laugh. The way they shake their little tail feathers whenever they get water on them. Or right after they close their wings after a short flight….there they go again, doing the shake.

I don’t know why that was so funny to me, but it’s refreshing to find joy in the simple things. When I saw them nibbling on the grass, it reminded me that even when we can’t supply ourselves, God already has it figured out. Wish trusting Him was as easy as the ducks make it seem.

Guess this is what i was talking about the other day.

writdesignphotoreaderforthebigdreamer...or something like that.

What happened to dreams? What happened to thinking I could do whatever I put my heart and mind to? What happened to making my life count and using the talents I was given?

I don’t think it’s just me. A lot of people I’ve talked to say the same thing. It’s like we’re going through college to check it off on our list, but in the midst, we lose the very vision we had that made us want to pursue a college education in the first place.

It’s to do something big- to develop the talents we were blessed with, to come alive. Funny how I say “come alive” when a flat heart rate is all I feel towards the end of this semester (JK…kinda ; ).

But, really…as kids we’re taught that we should dream big and reach for the stars. That’s so easy to do before the world laughs at you and announces that you’re going crazy. Publish a book? Yeah, right. Start your own graphic design company? Do you know how many people are already trying to do that? The sad thing is that criticism from the outside begins to take root and soon enough you find yourself cutting down your own ideas. Become a professional photographer? Like you’re really that good- come on, get a grip. Run a marathon? OK…that will happen, um, never.

But, there are a select few- the few who choose to forgo the normal route of thinking and excel beyond human belief.

I think of people like Albert Einstein and Benjamin Franklin and Walt Disney. People who believed in themselves- really believed that they had something to contribute to this world that no one else could. Your name should be on that list because, while you may not know it, there’s a very big reason that you’ve been placed on this earth. And, those big dreams aren’t just floating around in that noggin for nothing! I should be on that list, too- we all have something that no one else has.

• I love to write. I feel like it clears my head and helps me sort through what I’m feeling. I guess it kinda makes me think I know what I’m talking about, too : ).

• Good design inspires me; in fact, good design literally makes me smile sometimes. There’s nothing better than seeing a brochure or logo and having that slow burn effect, where you go, “Oh…I see it. I get it. That’s so clever.”

• I love photography. It gives me the opportunity to capture a moment in time that no one will be able to return to. It reminds me to slow down and take in the beauty that’s around me.

• Reading (though I don’t have much time to read for leisure lately) is so refreshing, and being able to escape to a different time and place offers a new experience each time. I think this goes back to the “great contributors” I mentioned earlier. Picking up a book allows me to enter someone else’s mind, to get a feel of where they’re coming from. In essence, I receive the wisdom they’ve contributed, giving me a new perspective on things.

• I enjoy laughing and smiling and watching other people do the same.

That’s what I love. Those are the things that excite me, that drive me- that give me a reason.

This whole college-students- should-have-it-all-figured-out-with-a-ten-year-plan-and-five-internships-before-they-graduate-thing is a bit stressful. I mean really, how are we supposed to plan a life that’s so unpredictable?  I can’t even decide what to wear in the morning, needless to say what I want to do with my life.

I guess that’s because it seems so final. Like once I make a decision after college-that’s it! Game over. Stuck there the rest of your life. So it feels necessary that I choose wisely. I don’t want to get stuck doing something I hate. Even worse, I don’t want to get stuck doing something I love only halfway because I’m scared of dreaming big.

If only there were a job entitled writdesignphotoreaderforthebigdreamer! Although, that would be quite a mouthful for an introduction…